


To Cope

by shroom_system



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Coping, Death, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Falling In Love, Gen, Human K1-B0 (Dangan Ronpa), Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, New Dangan Ronpa V3 Spoilers, Oma Kokichi Needs a Hug, Oma Kokichi-centric, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, and they were roomates, like as soon as the characters are stable enough for a relationship, literally my first time writing angst, literally the first line is a spoiler run, my god they were roomates??, were calling this one coping, will be shippy in future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:41:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24980218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shroom_system/pseuds/shroom_system
Summary: Kokichi Ouma was dead.Right?Wrong.And now he has to cope with his new reality, and cope with the fact he hurt people. A lot of people.(discontinued as of 17/9/20)
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 33
Kudos: 201





	1. welcome to your new life

Kokichi Ouma, the Ultimate Supreme Leader had died. 

He'd always been told one day he'd die and that it was a definite fact that he'd die. 

He didn't know he'd die like this though, in some elaborate plot to save everyone.

And he didn't know death was like this.

He felt... calm?

Yeah. He definitely felt calm. And happy?

Weird.

Death was always a weird concept though. The thought of no longer existing when you were so much alive and so much yourself was inane. He'd always exist, he'd never not existed, had he?

But now he didn't exist. Now he wasn't breathing, he wasn't seeing, he wouldn't breathe again.

He was, well, he was whatever state his body had been left in. Squished? Was he even identifiable? Had the plan worked?

He knew he was dead. He was dead and so were a lot of people he knew.

Was Saihara alive? If the plan had worked, he would be. If not, well, Kokichi didn't want to think about that.

Why was he able to think if he was dead? Would he go to a stereotypical hell? Would he go anywhere? Or would he be a thought? Was this like shutting your eyes? Was he even thinking right now?

His brain didn't work. His body didn't either.

He was dead.

Right?

Wrong. 

Kokichi Ouma woke up in a weird looking hospital bed, with millions of little cords and wires attached to him. 

He wasn't dead. 

He wasn't dead.

He hadn't died in the first place?

Perhaps he'd imagined it. 

Yes, perhaps the killing game was just one vivid nightmare and no one really died and they were all fine.

"Well done, Kokichi Ouma! You were the 6th Victim of the 53rd Killing Game!" 

Apparently not.

He was sat up by what looked like nurses. They had been the ones to tell him that. And yet, if he was a victim, why wasn't he dead?

He should be dead. 

He deserves to die.

For what he did and who he hurt, he should die. 

The nurses began to speak. He listened, though his ears did not. He heard voices but not words. Was this some side effect of dying? It must be. Maybe he could stay deaf. Then he wouldn't have to speak to them. 

His hearing came back as the nurses finished talking. Drat.

The world became too loud. After silence, the world is horribly loud. The squeaking of shoes, the rustling of wires, the beeping of machines became all too much. 

It calmed down when his hearing readjusted. So he was alive. He was alive and everyone else probably was too. Everyone he'd hurt and pushed away and insulted. They were all alive. And Kokichi Ouma came to another realisation. 

Everyone here hated him. And so did he.

He must have zoned out because when he came back to his senses, he was free of the wires. 

He didn't like it.

He wished to be dead again. 

And it wasn't the first time he'd wished that. 

And it certainly wouldn't be the last. 

The nurses seemed to laugh at him. They commented on his silence. They haven't died. He has died and he has been brought back. In a previous life, he would have laughed that he was Jesus. In a life before that, he would have cried to die again. And in this life, he didn't comment. He didn't need to. 

They stood him up. He was in the clothes he'd worn before the killing game. That being a plain black gakuran. Nothing fancy. Perhaps in another life, he'd have laughed at himself. The Ultimate Supreme Leader didn't like normal or boring people. They just cast you out for being odd. The danganronpa fan would've given anything to be different, to be special. He was odd, so he tried not to be. And Kokichi Ouma, the one who'd died and came back, who'd lived two separate lives in 16 years and was living a third? He didn't know. But he had woken up from death and that wasn't normal. Usually when people die they stay dead, right? 

The nurses ushered him out of the room. He hadn't liked that room too much, it e as too white, too clean. Kokichi Ouma had always hated minimalism, no matter which life he'd been in. The hallway wasn't all that great either. It had blue walls, dark blue. The floors were a dark wood, though he didn't know what wood. He didn't study floor much. 

He wandered up the hallway, right from where his room had been. He saw more doors and more horribly clean rooms. He could identify some of the people lying in them, but he thought it best not to pry. He also saw rooms that we're empty, leaving their little machines to beep by themselves.

He made it to the end of the hallway and there was a large set of double doors. They didn't look locked, so he pushed them open. They opened, just as he'd expected them to. 

He found a large foyer on the other side. Something in his heart sank, had he thought he would see some of the others? Perhaps this would be over quicker if he did. 

He walked up to lady at the desk. She stared up at him for a second before smiling. She began to speak, and she sounded like the nurses. "Ah, Ouma-san! You're one of the first awake, congrats!" He didn't know why she'd congratulated him on being alive. He'd much rather stay dead. "I'll show you your living quarters and the main living room. The others are in the living room so I expect you'll want to prepare yourself before going in." She softened her smile with sympathy at the end, though she looked just as fake. 

He was lead outside to slight surprise. They left into a separate building which looked more like a block of flats. A small block of flats, but a block of flats none the less. He was taken to the front door of a flat, one of 16 flats, and handed a map of the building. He threw the map away as soon as he got in the flat. 

He found the keys on a dining table and he sat at the table. What was he going to do? He couldn't just mope here, people probably wanted to see him. Maybe they'd kill him for him, to make his job easier. He ended up looking around the flat. 

It wasn't a super bug flat but it was comfortable. His dining room was connected to a kitchen and a living room, which led off into a bedroom and an ensuite. Cosy. 

He suddenly was aware he was wearing a school uniform. He probably needed to change into something less formal. So he went into his bedroom. 

There was a closet as expected and he opened it. The clothes were mostly normal, just jeans and t-shirts and a couple hoodies. There was a set of clothes identical to that which he wore in the killing game and he couldn't help but wince seeing them. He guessed some people would want to go back to being themselves in the game but Kokichi was pretty tired of that life. Lies weren't all too fun when you got too twisted into them.

He changed into a pair of light blue jeans and a white t shirt. He noticed it was cold without the long sleeves of his gakuran, so he pulled on a hoodie. Did he have the strength to go see his classmates again. Likely no. But as the newly alive Kokichi looked at himself in the mirror, he realised that he had to try. He had probably been kept alive for a reason, so he might as well try being alive for a bit. He found a hair tie in a drawer and tied up his longer hair. He didn't like that way it fell in his face. He'd had enough of hiding behind things too. 

When he found the stupid living room, it was 15 minutes later than when he'd left. He probably shouldn't have thrown that map away. But he found the door eventually. A nice door, painted in cream with a little bronze plaque labelling it the common room. He mustered up the strength to open the door and face the people behind it.

People who probably hated him. 

He peeked round the door, using his stature to go slightly unnoticed. He let out an anxious breath and took in the people in the room. There was Tojo. He didn't exactly remember how unkind he'd been to her but he remembered asking her to be his mum. Maybe she'd not hate him so much? There was also Yumeno. Yumeno hadn't liked him. No Harukawa or Momota to be seen yet so maybe he'd live another day. A shame, really. And the last person was someone he didn't quite recognise. A small boy, maybe a few inches taller than him, with white hair and pale skin. The boy turned towards Kokichi. And he only realised who he was far, far too late. 

Kiibo.

He felt the need to run and hide, like a scared piece of prey. But his feet remained rooted to the ground and he stood there, horrified. And Kiibo (was that his name? He certainly looked human here. Had he ever been a robot?) smiled at him. He ran up to Kokichi and threw his arms around him. Was he happy? Why was he hugging him? What was going on? 

Kiibo stepped away from him, still smiling, though it looked sadder than a normal smile. "You're awake!", the white-haired boy said, though it seemed kind of obvious. "Its just me, you Tojo-san and Yumeno-san right now. Tojo-san was first awake and then me and then Yumeno-san." So he wouldn't have to face Harukawa or Momota. Phew. He'd just have to avoid Yumeno then, she probably wouldn't like him much.

"Wait, how are you human?"

Kiibo broke out into laughter, "It turns out before the game I was just another kid auditioning. I was only a robot in the simulation. So yeah, definitely human, definitely called Kiibo Iidabashi, definitely just as confused as you are." Huh, okay. Makes sense for him to be a real person, he doubted robots were actually that high-functioning. 

Kiibo brought him a drink, a hot chocolate from the little machine in the corner. And he sat in the common room, drinking, listening to Yumeno and Kiibo recount the last trial. And his trial. Turns out Saihara was too smart to have been fooled. And he shouldn't have expected anything less. Kiibo and Shirogane had died and Yumeno, Saihara and Harukawa were the survivors. Everyone but them were still in the coma induced to put them in the simulation and Yumeno joked that she'd always been a light sleeper, maybe that was why she woke up earlier. 

Over the next couple days more people starts waking up. The day after Kokichi had, Yonaga woke up. Yumeno was quite happy to see her, they'd been friends in all their lives and that wasn't about to change. The day after that it was Shinguji, who turned out to be a pleasant person outside of the game. Yonaga was anxious around him until they realised he was okay now. He was funny and he made dark jokes and he helped them not feel like they were still dead. Amami was next and Kokichi took a liking to him. He was kind of motherly in a sense, he sounded like he wanted you to be happy and that he had your best interests at heart. He was their support and that made sense in a way. He'd been through this process twice. They joked that Amami was his dad now and sometimes he did refer to Kokichi as problem child. And it was nice. People stopped arriving after Amami did. Maybe they were having problems with the system? It took a week for the next person to walk through the blue door. 

Their arrival was announced over an intercom. It cheerily announced the two people had managed to wake up that day and everyone was ecstatic. Most people were comfortable around each other and even Kokichi could say he had a few friends here. It was nice but Kokichi couldn't help but wonder who the new people were. He knew it wouldn't be long before the people he'd well and truly pissed off woke up.

And it turns out his gut was right. 

Harukawa and Momota walked into the common room one after the other. 

And Harukawa's eyes fell on him.

He didn't look back at her after the initial shock. People began to gather around them, asking questions and just talking. Kokichi and Kiibo remained seated, glancing at each other, the smaller boy attempting to communicate his panic and fear through a look and apparently it worked because Kiibo gave him a sympathetic smile. Not much help but reassuring. At least it helped his stomach settle. If Harukawa tried to kill him or Momota tried to punch him again, Kiibo and Amami would defend him, right? Yeah, they were friends, they'd help him. 

When the crowd around the newcomers dissipated, people went back to talking or reading or whatever they'd been doing. Tojo had taken up knitting to stress-relieve, although Yumeno told her it was a grandma hobby. Kokichi ended up talking to Kiibo, about some show he'd started watching. It was mindless chatter but he didn't care. 

He could still feel Momota's eyes on him though, and he knew if he turned, he'd see him staring at him. Well, he can stare all he wants, the former astronaut can't hurt him anymore. If he did, Kokichi could always complain to someone in Team Danganronpa. 

Team Danganronpa, or as they sometimes called themselves, TD, or as Kokichi often called them, Total Dipshits, had a nice little complaints number, where you could ask for whatever the fuck you wanted and they'd get it to you. It's supposed to be there in case anyone starts trouble but it's mostly just asking for stuff. While Kokichi adored using it for stupid stuff, he could also consider using it properly. 

Hopefully he wouldn't get attacked though. He really didn't feel like being attacked today, you know? Well, he never felt like doing anything anymore so that was to be expected. 

He quickly left though. The eyes on him were uncomfortable. 

He found himself back at his room. Kiibo's room was next to his, and he often went round there when he needed company but the common room was too loud. 

He pulled out his phone. The group chat had been, well, loud, to say the least. 

not a robot!!!: hey kokichi what happened

dad: yeah we're worried

magthicc: yeah bro you're part of the main four you gotta be okay

Harukawa: what is this

not a robot!!!: hey Harukawa! It's a gc for us to talk

not a robot!!!: some of us get anxious in large gatherings so it's easier for them

Momota: seriously why did the little shit have to be there

Momota: doesn't he remember what he did

dad: momota that's not okay

dad: kokichis been through a lot, especially before the game

not a robot: Momota wtf

Momota: HE LITERALLY KILLED ME

satanist: Shinguji killed me and we're cool

shingucci: ^^

Kokichi sighed. Yep, Momota hates him. He began to type, wanting to reassure Kiibo and Amami. Momota wasn't worth his time. 

problem child: I'm okay guys, sorry I left without telling you

dad: its okay 

not a robot!!!: dw!!!

not a robot!!!: do you wanna talk though?

problem child: dw ill be fine

He bit his lip as he lied. He told himself that he wouldn't lie anymore, that he'd try tell as much of the truth as possible. It wasn't totally a lie, right? He would be okay eventually, and if he didn't want to talk about things he didn't have to. So there, it wasn't a lie, he wasn't an awful person.

He ended up listening to the playlist Kiibo had made him. He'd made everyone one as soon as they'd woken up. The songs were nice, Kiibo definitely had a knack for picking songs that helped them. Devil Town began to play and he lay there, his chest heavy and his breathing unsteady. But he'd be okay. He would be okay one day, maybe tomorrow or maybe when everyone was finally awake or maybe in years.

But he’d be okay. 

And that wasn’t a lie


	2. why do you cry, why do you hurt?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a little shorter but it gets pRETTY DARK
> 
> reminder not to read this fanfiction if you’re triggered by suicidality, self-hatred or bad coping mechanisms!!
> 
> The next people who’ll be waking up WILL BE UPPING THE ANGST FOR THE NEXT MAYBE TWO(?) CHAPTERS BE WARNED

Kokichi Ouma awoke to a world where he thought he was hated. 

Kaede Akamatsu woke up to a world of light and if love and of loving her. 

The purple haired boy didn’t mind that she was loved of course. Good for her. But sometimes he wished someone, one person, was hated like him. Sure Kiibo and Amami liked him and Yumeno and Tojo tolerated him but did anyone else? Did any of the other people who were thrown into the exact same scenario as him actually care about him despite the way he acted? 

He was fine with being hated. He really was. But sometimes he just wanted to feel loved. He wanted someone, one person, just one, he didn’t mind who, to love him and to accept him for who he is and what he did and he knew that he’d never be forgiven for all the awful things he did but he just wished someone could love him despite it. 

But those were wistful thoughts.

Kokichi Ouma did not waste time on wistful thoughts.

At least not in the day. In the night, alone and in the darkness, he could cry and relive the game all he wanted. No one could hear him anyways.

No one wanted to hear him.

Still, Kaede Akamatsu burst into that common room and she was received exactly like Harukawa and Momota. That is to say, loudly. 

Amami was sat beside him and Kiibo and he glanced over quickly to check if he was okay. Akamatsu had killed him after all. The green haired boy hadn’t looked up from his book, but he had visably stiffened. He’d probably be okay once the noise had died down. 

Akamatsu’s crowd settled down remarkably quickly, though you could tell there was a lightness in the air. 

People were always excited when a new one of them woke up. 

Maybe they were just happy to see a friend. Maybe they wanted to get out of the building as quickly as possible. Maybe they were just trying to find some joy in their new lives. Either way, they were happy.

And he was happy for them. He really was. 

He imagined that if he’d arrived later, he would’ve gotten the same greeting. He was almost glad he didn’t get it. 

Still though, the more people that arrived, the louder it got. 

The more crowed the common room got.

The more suffocating. 

It was terrifying to think that soon 16 people would sit in this room, all talking, all laughing, all so, so, so loud. 

Kokichi has never liked small spaces, cramped spaces or crowds. And certain events didn’t help with that either. 

He’d be fine though.

He’d be totally utterly fine.

He kept repeating that like a mantra in his head, hoping that one day he’d finally believe it. 

Even though it felt sickeningly optimistic. 

Even though it reminded him of what Momota and Akamatsu said to try raise morale.

Even though he never believed it. 

Even though he was hated.

He’d have to keep trying to be okay. To put on a mask and smile. Hiding emotions was so much easier than being vulnerable. 

So he smiled. He smiled at Akamatsu and ignored Momota’s stupid face and Harukawa’s hawklike gaze and he shoved down his problems. 

As soon as he looked ‘normal’ to Team Danganronpa, they’d let him out. 

And he could ignore his problems a lot easier without constant surveillance. 

A day passed.

And another. 

And another.

Maybe a week, maybe two passed. 

Kokichi didn’t know. And he didn’t care. 

More people arrived. More people to smile at, to laugh with. 

More people who hated him secretly.

He was almost sure everyone hated him. 

Chabashira and Hoshi came and they added to the noise. 

Kokichi knew that whoever came next, be it Saihara, Shirogane, Iruma or god forbid Gokuhara, would not be pleased to see him. Nor would he be pleased to see them. 

He was alone. And he always would be. 

But he kept his stupid smile, refused help and pushed people away.

Most people at least. It seemed Kiibo and Amami were too damn stubborn to let him push them away because they remained firmly in his life. 

He didn’t understand why. Amami was more or less understandable, he didn’t know him well, he didn’t know about all the shit he’d pulled later on. But Kiibo...

Kiibo knew all the awful things he did. Kiibo experienced it firsthand. Why didn’t Kiibo hate him?

Did he just forgive too easily, was he that naïve? Kokichi had hurt him, countless times, why didn’t he hate him?

He deserved to be hated. He deserved all the shit Momota had said to him.

But even on the days when he didn’t show up to the common room and didn’t have the strength to get out of bed, Kiibo always tried to talk to him, to text him, to just reach out.

Sometimes Kokichi wondered if it would just be better to hurt Kiibo again, to cut his ties entirely. It would be a lot easier than trying to keep good connections.

But Kiibo had done nothing to deserve being hurt but being persistent. 

So he didn’t. 

Everyone seemed so happy to be alive again.

Everyone had someone here who cared for them, or they were waiting for someone who cared about them. 

And what did Kokichi have? 

Two ‘friends’, 10 people who hated him or ignored him, and the four people who were still sleeping? two of them he’d killed indirectly, one saw his trial play out and one probably hated him most of all. God, what was he going to do when they all woke up? Hole himself up in his room? Cry? Face them and face the hate? 

He didn’t want to be hated. He didn’t want to have hurt everyone. It was how he’d survived as far as he did but if he’d have known he’d be woken up again, maybe he wouldn’t have done it.

None of them would’ve done anything they had done. They’d have all killed themselves if they knew it was a televised simulation. They would’ve woken up, all friends and whatever. It wouldn’t have happened if they’d have only knew a little more. 

If only he hadn’t constructed his stupid, stupid plot. If only he’d been a little kinder to everyone, if only he’d have told people about himself truthfully and not intertwined with his lies. 

If only he’d have been faster to realise what the killing game was. 

But he hadn’t. And he hated it. 

He wanted some control back.

And he had none. His days were entirely the same, punctuated with new people who made it terrifying to step out of his room. He pushed away anyone kind so he wouldn’t end up being cruel to them.

Why did he think it would ever change?

Why did he ever think it would get better? 

Why did he believe himself at first?

Why did he have to be alive?

For all he knew, Iruma or Gokuhara were well and truly dead and he’d have caused it!

It’d be even worse if they woke up. 

God what would Iruma say if she saw his pathetic face?

Gokuhara could easily snap him in two, what if he was that angry? 

Kokichi stomach twisted. 

He had to leave his room. 

He had to go somewhere, see something other than the ceiling of his room. 

He wobbled out of bed for the first time that day. He checked his phone for the time quickly. 1am. Great. No one would be awake but him, a few of the other insomniacs and the 24 hour staff members. 

Perfect time for exploring. 

He locked his door behind him as quietly as possible and winced at the little click, though it was far too quiet to wake someone up.

He found the way to the rest of the TD building, and wandered the corridors down to the foyer. 

No one was there, of course. The staff had long gone home. Some nurses lived on site but they were few and far between. 

He found himself down that awful blue and dark brown corridor, doors along its left side. Four of those doors led to the rooms of the sleeping. 

Maybe he was just too curious.

Maybe he just wanted to see them.

Maybe he was just a fool.

He found himself peering though the small door windows. 

The contrast of the bright write rooms and their fluorescent lights and the dark hallways was stark and horrible. But he managed to blink past the initial shock, though it left spots in his vision. And he saw her.

Tsumugi Shirogane.

The Ultimate Cosplayer lay there peacefully, her face blank. A screen beside her showed her breathing and show enough it matched the steady rise and fall of her chest. 

It was nice knowing at least someone here still had life inside them.

He left her window and peered into each one along the corridor. 

He found Gokuhara’s and Iruma’s and he checked their screens too. Neither of them looked close to flatlining, it was hard to imagine they’d ever died in the first place. 

Saihara’s was at the very end of the corridor. He was healthy as the rest of them and yet Kokichi found himself lingering at the door. 

These guys would all wake up.

They would wake up and they’d be let out soon after.

It felt bad to call them ‘free’ but that’s what they’d be. 

Hopefully it’d be soon. They’d been coming slower than at first and they hadn’t had another double arrival since the first but hopefully everyone would wake up. 

Kokichi left the corridor.

He wandered the halls of the Team Danganronpa building, trying to step as lightly as possible. 

There was barely anything fun. Boring rooms lined boring halls and anything that looked mildly exciting was locked. 

He headed back for the flats when he heard something. Something like talking. 

Creeping towards the sight of the sound, he found a previous dark empty room, now filled with people, Team Danganronpa employees, and they were talking. 

Talking about them.

“What are we going to do to handle Hoshi’s depression?”

“And Saihara’s anxieties!”

“Kiibo appears to have adapted back to his human body well.” 

Someone else spoke up, a quiet, almost nervous voice.

“Ouma hasn’t been interacting at all. He appears to have locked himself in his room.” 

Another voice spoke up above that anxious one.

“We’ll deal with that after they’re all awake.”

Kokichi felt sick. They didn’t know he was here of course. They didn’t know he heard that. Of course not. 

Still though, he found himself running back to his room, feeling as though he’d heard something he really shouldn’t have.

And he shouldn’t have.

They knew he was trying to distance himself. They were going to try stop him. They were going to try fix all of them. 

He didn’t want help, he was fine, he didn’t need someone asking him how his day was and asking him inane questions about his brain. 

They shouldn’t waste their time on him. Or on trying to help him. 

He didn’t deserve help. 

He went back to sleep. He didn’t want to think about today. 

He was very rudely awoken 8 hours later by the sunlight because he’d forgotten to shut his stupid curtains. Typical.

But for the first time in two weeks, something seemed lighter in his chest.

It was weird. He still didn’t feel happy, just lighter? 

Maybe this was letting up. 

He could only dream.

He felt like taking advantage of his newfound lightness and he left his room.

He didn’t expect anything to happen but for some reason, stepping out of his room made him feel almost, stronger? 

Yeah. He felt happy. 

He was happy.

A little something at the back of his mind told him that this wouldn’t last long but he didn’t really notice it because he was happy! He was really, actually happy! 

For the first time in two weeks, Kokichi pushed open the common room door. 

He wasn’t greeted, thank god. Chabashira and Hoshi were a little shocked to see him for obvious reasons but he took his chair and he went to stick his headphones in. 

He found himself listening to Kiibo’s playlist again. As Sweet Hibiscus Tea began playing, he smiled. 

He was easily forgotten in the crowd. It might be suffocating but it suffocated your presence too. 

Sometimes it was nice to feel invisible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you’ll see that Kokichi’s mental state is FUCKING WACK and it will get better i promise. 
> 
> always watch how hard i can kin kokichi and self project all my bad coping methods on him


	3. there was a life before this, you know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HI SO I FUCKED UP MESSING ABOUT WITH MY WRITING PROGRAM AND IT ACCIDENTALLY WENT IN ALL LOWERCASE AND IT DOESNT RECOGNISE THE NAMES WHEN I USE AUTO CAPITALS SO UHHHHH YOUVE GOT A LOWERCASE CHAPTER IM SO SORRY

kokichi knew that it was bound to be a difficult day but he hadn’t expected this. 

the boy found himself literally lifted off the floor in a bear hug.

that wasn’t to say it wasn’t nice, just unexpected. 

considering who was giving him it.

gonta gokuhara has woken up. 

kokichi knew it was going to happen soon, he just didn’t expect it to be next.

something inside him told him to run and hide, just as it had when kiibo hugged him. 

something else was shocked that gokuhara even wanted anything to do with him. 

gokuhara knew what he’d done. 

kokichi had killed him, why hadn’t he reacted like momota? 

he guessed gokuhara just wasn’t a person to hold grudges. 

and that was fine by him.

after being released from the death-hug, things went back to normal. kiibo began chatting to him and he listened. he didn’t speak much in return but kiibo knew he was listening. 

it was hard to get out of bed most mornings but he had to. he’d distanced himself from everyone, chabashira and hoshi barely knew he existed. he had to push that door open and he didn’t have to hide his emotions. 

amami and akamatsu were getting along again apparently. in the two weeks he was absent, they’d managed to establish a friendship. it was fun teasing amami about it.

kiibo was friends with everyone of course. he tended to overshare sure, and he could talk about everything and anything but that’s what made him fun. he was approachable. 

no one else really spoke to him. it was fine though. no one needed to. he was happy with kiibo and amami and whoever decided to try talking to him that day. 

today’s contestant on the try-get-ouma-to-open-up show was the ever so lovely akamatsu. of course, miss protagonist wanted to talk to him. she brought him a fun topic though, a theory. 

it wasn’t a super crazy theory, it made sense. essentially, akamatsu believed they had some elements of themselves in game but just slightly different. she attributed the differences to the fake memories and to the trauma. but her theory stated that they really were ultimates and the backstories in game where real. 

it sounded like a false hope but, it stuck with kokichi. he wanted to believe it.

of course he did.

he wanted dice to be real. he wanted people to care about him. 

they couldn’t be real though, kiibo was human.

still though, it was a fun theory. 

when kokichi left though, he felt okay. drained but okay. 

once in the safety of his apartment, he let out a small sigh. gokuhara didn’t hate him, it was okay, it was okay, things would be okay. 

he smiled. 

not all of life was this happy, of course. but it was better for him and for everyone around him when he didn’t hide away. 

he’d learn how to be okay some day.

and for now, well, he’d have to make do.

kokichi didn’t realise he’d fallen asleep until he’d woken up. 

he tended to be quick to leave his apartment, just in case he felt a pull to stay. 

an announcement rang through the intercom as he was walking to the common room, scaring the life out of him.

“another participant gained consciousness last night! give them a warm welcome!”

he hated the way it didn’t name the person who woke up. would save them a lot of anxiety. 

walking down the seemingly endless corridors of the building, someone smacked right into him as they ran at full speed. they knocked him to the floor and he couldn’t help but sigh. the person extended their hand out to him to help him up and he grabbed it, only then getting a full look at the person’s face.

tsumugi shirogane blinked back at him from behind round glasses.

she began apologising profusely, over and over, and kokichi felt a flicker of sympathy inside him. 

he didn’t know anything past his death except what kiibo has told him and that boiled down to saihara, harukawa and yumeno survived and kiibo and shirogane had died after him and momota.

he gave her a big reassuring smile, trying to make it as truthful as he could. and it seemed to work, seeing as the apologises stopped.

they walked to the common room talking. kokichi tried to explain who was awake and what had happened but there was a two week gap in his memory so he was of no use. when he came to this realisation, he brushed it off with, “kiibo’ll explain better, he knows most things around here.”. at the mention of kiibo’s name, the cosplayer seemed to be awkward so he changed the subject.

they reached the common room door finally- why did they have to make it so far?- and kokichi pushed open the door for her in an act of mock chivalry, making her laugh. making people happy was nice, he liked making them laugh. maybe that was why he’d made dice? 

shirogane’s welcoming was surprisingly hostile. yumeno and harukawa stared at her, almost annoyed? kiibo attempted to put on his usual smile but it was faked and anxious. 

what had happened in the last trial?

he picked up his phone, determined not to make a scene and texted kiibo.

kokichi: hey what happened with shirogane

kiibo: oh right you don’t know

kiibo: shirogane was the mastermind 

kokichi: ohh shit

kokichi: well that explains harukawa and yumeno??? 

kiibo: yep

kiibo: last trial i uh i had to execute her???

kiibo: like i threw a big ol rock at her

kokichi: oh boy

kokichi: idk though she seems like she regrets it? or like she’s changed at least?

kiibo: ??? how?

kokichi: she ran into me in the corridor and she seemed nice enough

kokichi: besides we have no clue what our backgrounds are before the kg like we don’t know?

kiibo: shirogane said it was faked and we were just normal students

kiibo: my existence kinda makes that true???

kokichi: true but we don’t know the full extent of it

kiibo: whatever, i’ll try not to make her feel awkward.

kokichi felt like that conversation was mildly successful so he turned off his phone and gestured to the still-standing shirogane to sit next to him at one of the tables.

“so, uh, you know? what i did, i mean?” shirogane started, her voice anxious.

“yeah, kiibo told me.” he started, then attempting to reassure her, “don’t worry about it though, we’re the everyone hates us club!”

that got a laugh out of her, “don’t forget the added clause of you must have been squished.” 

“ah yes, of course, the hated pancakes club!”

shirogane smiles and then asked, “so, iruma and saihara are still asleep?” 

“yep. kinda terrified for iruma to wake up. also terrified for saihara to wake up. just kinda generally terrified?” 

“i reckon saihara will be last.” she decided, nodding.

“gotta agree with you there, ol’ emo hat seems like he’d like a lie in.”

“do you know what’s happening after everyone’s awake?”

“uh well,” kokichi explained the information he’d gotten from his escapades two nights ago, that they were going to have some form of therapy to sort out the trauma, “yeah, and then they’ll just release us?” 

she nodded, “lines up with what i’ve been told. we’re going to be given td’s money monthly for like, the rest of our lives? and they’re going to supply us with housing because ‘we cant just be released like that or we’ll all die’?”

“huh, they’re going to buy 16 individual houses for us all?” 

“i don’t really know but that’s how it was phrased.” 

the conversation kept on from there until lunch, when they decided to go do other things, shirogane going over to talk to some other people, namely akamatsu and amami and kokichi leaving the common room all together. 

he wanted to find out some more about what she’d said and what better way than harassing team danganronpa?

he found the foyer again, and went up to the receptionist there. she looked startled to see him but quickly went into her spiel, “ah, ouma-san, what can i do for you?” kokichi explained his predicament and what shirogane had told him before smiling, “i’d like to find out more about what will happen after everyone wakes up.”. the receptionist’s smile’s sweetness melted away and she told him to take a seat as she called someone who would ‘explain all’ as she put it. 

a few minutes passed and a much more offical looking employee walked into the foyer and took him off to the meeting room where he’d overheard the information in the first place.

“so, ouma-san, you needed to know more about what we intend to do after everyone is awake, correct?” kokichi nodded briefly, and the man continued, “as you’ve heard from shirogane, you will be in therapy and in memory treatments so that you’ll be safe to release into society.”. made sense, they didn’t want to realise actual murderers into the world. 

“and after that?”

“we will then be taking requests for accommodation. we pride ourselves on being the most popular tv show to date, so we have the funds to buy these sorts of things, and your bills will be taken care of and such by us, as that’s your reward for taking part in our show.” yeah, because an easy life was totally worth a ton of trauma and dying. 

“you may have to live with another participant but we will try make sure that it won’t be someone you are displeased with. any questions?” 

kokichi considered something and decided to voice it, “the last trial, was that true?”

“ah well, you see,” the man seemed ruffled by this question, “partially. shirogane was correct in saying that this was simply a tv show and that the world is obsessed with it. but you did not audition nor is shirogane a true ‘mastermind’. your backstories and such will be further explained in the therapy sessions and they will handle it a lot better than i can, but those auditions were faked using false memory technology. your legal guardians gave permission for you to be in the show and then you were ‘kidnapped’ to get the best reaction.”

“is that legal?” kokichi mumbled.

“i can assure you, it is perfectly legal as long as we heal all damage and trauma you may have from the game.”

“how about the gofer project then?” 

“that was part of a false memory to make the plot more interesting. a lot of the backstory you have currently is faked, though the main parts are true.”

“thank you, sir. i’ll be off now.” 

and he left without another word. 

back in his dorm, he decided not to think about what he’d said about backstories, he didn’t exactly understand what he was on about? but someone could probably explain better. 

he knew now, at least. he’d tell shirogane tomorrow, he was too drained to talk. 

his thoughts went to the killing game to distract himself. as traumatic as it was, he had to decipher those words and he was almost certain that he could figure out what that guy meant. he may need therapy to get back the suppressed memories but he could at least do some of their work for them.

according to shirogane and kiibo, everything was faked. nothing was real, they were all just normal people who loved a tv show. 

according to the man, some of their backstories were true. the gofer project wasn’t though. were the ultimates true? were they ever really ultimates? did dice exist somewhere? could he see them?

he said their legal guardians signed them off, right? did he actually have parents? he couldn’t quite remember if he’d ever had parents in any of his lives. it was probably just the false memories messing with his brain. 

what about everyone else? was momota really an astronaut? was kaede actually that good at piano? was kirumi really the president? or was it all exaggerated for tv? 

it was almost impossible to figure that part. how much did they exaggerate his past? how much did he himself exaggerate it in his brain? 

he was getting nowhere with the few memories he had that weren’t filled with the killing game.

and he found himself hoping to whatever god was out there that Iruma and Saihara woke up soon. 

Maybe they’d both hate him but he needed to know what was up with his backstory. he needed to know who he was. 

if he wasn’t the shy wallflower who's only personality was loving danganronpa and if he wasn’t the grandiose supreme leader, then who was he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so um. i had an identity crisis writing this can you tell?


	4. you have lived before. and you have loved before.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS LETS GO!! There's gonna be about two chapters of flashback and then we can get to the fun stuff!!

He didn't know why but Kokichi found himself awake at 3am, reading an one of the murder mysteries Shinguji read religiously. It was pretty good, he reckoned he knew the killer, though he had other suspects. As much as it reminded him of the trials, it helped in a way. It was fiction. Danganronpa hadn't been, but as he read through, he could almost imagine he wasn't the killer of three people and actually just a totally normal, totally okay teen. 

How old was he?

The game didn't specify, interestingly.

Maybe he'd figure that out when he got his memories back. 

The doctors sent them daily updates now it was only the two left.

Apparently they were both nearing consciousness, maybe they'd be fully awake in a day or two? 

Just a day or two.

A day or two until they figured out who they were.

A day or two until Kokichi finally knew the state of D.I.C.E.

A day or two until he could tell what was real and what was fake. 

It was almost painful how close he was to the truth.

Just a day or two, just a day or two, just a day or two.

He'd find out though. That was the main thing. 

He decided to set away the book. He was sidetracked, it'd be easier to read tomorrow.

He switched the light off and a wave of tired hit him, knocking him out pretty much immediately.

Next day, he was rudely awoken by the intercom. It cheerfully announced that Iruma looked incredibly close to waking, and was likely to later today. Kokichi hated how early the daily update was. Far too similar to those stupid little Monocubs. 

Still thought he got up and hauled himself to the common room, sitting down at the table where Shirogane was sat. Kiibo and Amami didn't like hanging around Shirogane but they put up with her because Kokichi liked her. He had a suspension they were only putting up with him.

The supreme leader and the cosplayer talked mindlessly for a bit, before the subject turned to something more serious.

"So," Shirogane's tone changed to become a but less lighthearted, "What are you gonna do when Iruma wakes up?".

"Same thing I did with Harukawa and Momota. Minimise contact and pray she doesn't murder me."

"This is Iruma though, you can't really avoid her."

He thought for a second, "Apologise? I guess? I don't really know, I killed her, how do you make up for that?"

Shirogane let out a long sigh, "You can't. Amami definitely is not on great terms with me."

"Wait, Yonaga and Shinguji made up. I'm gonna go ask them, see you in like... ten minutes?" 

He walked over to where Shinguji was reading. "Hey, Shingucci!" Kokichi put on the killing game act, the cheerful, silly one. The tall boy sighed before closing his book, "What do you want?". 

"So you know Yonaga."

"Yes, I know her, you know that."

"How did you, like, make up with her? Because you killed her and now you're all buddy buddy, you know?"

"I apologized to her and asked how I could make it up to her and we just became friends. Turns out we had quite similar interests and got along quite well when we tried. Why do you even want to know?"

"I just do, you know!" He was apparently out of practice lying because the anthropologist saw right through it.

"This is about Iruma waking up?" He questioned.

"Ahahah, what? No! This is abou- yes, you've caught me, I'm scared about Iruma waking up." Kokichi sighed, "I'm actually terrified.". Shinguji smiled at him and quietly replied, "Everything will be fine, Ouma, go annoy someone else now."

It was funny how calmly he could say that.

He relayed this back to Shirogane, who decided to not be helpful at all and say, "I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so.". He laughed and pretend-hit her. In turn, she very overdramatically pretended to be wounded by his oh-so-violent assault.

And he laughed.

He was hated by a majority but some people still liked him. Some people still cared, and that was all that mattered.

Him and Shirogane went back to talking, though it mostly became him teasing her to hell and back over her crush on Akamatsu. What can he say, it's hilariously ironic.

There was a loud ding from the intercom, announcing, "One of the last participants has woken up!". Panic immediately rose up Kokichi's chest. He wasn't ready for this, he had to talk to either Iruma or Saihara now? Right now? This couldn't be happening, it couldn't, right? 

Shirogane tapped his shoulder, bringing him out of his thoughts momentarily, "Hey, um, you okay? What happened there? You started breathing weird and shit.". 

"Oh, yeah, it's nothing, just panicking, you know." 

"You idiot! That's not nothing.", the cosplayer pretend-hit him.

They squabbled, causing a few people to look over at them suspiciously, until the door pushed open.

Shit.

Miu Iruma walked into the common room.

Shirogane dragged him over to say hi with everyone else. "Oh, hey, sorry for like low-key killing you." He started, trying to sound like he didn't care and he definitely didn't just panic over what he was going to say. 

To his surprise, the inventor laughed, "Yeah, sorry for trying to kill you too, shithead.".

Okay so maybe he panicked over nothing. 

Things settled back to the usual loud cacophony of voices, just one voice louder. "So. Saihara left, huh?" Kokichi laughed, "Dear god, what do you think our pasts are gonna be like?" Shirogane thought for a second, "I think... I think my past was super awesome and like, anime-level dramatic.". 

He snorted, "A weeb through and through.".

They checked the time, finding it was pretty late. Going back to his own room, he lay on his couch, his headphones in and Hug All Ur Friends playing. God, today was draining. But at least one worry was over. But there was still Saihara. He wasn't let off just yet. 

The past took him into its dark arms, handing him the burden of a memory.

 _The curtains had closed on another student's life. Sobs rang in his ears, filling him with despair and yet he smiled. He lied and he lied and he caught himself in a spider's web. His plan would be going into action. He thought he'd cut all ties with the other students but turns out it wasn't him who severed them. Saihara turned to him and said, softly, "You're alone, Kokichi. And you always will be.". And it was true._

The first thing he noticed when he came back to the here and now was tears. He let them flow, there was no use stopping them. He was allowed to be upset, wasn't he? 

The second thing he noticed was how heavy he felt. Maybe it was the stress he'd caused himself worrying, maybe it was the fact it'd been a long day, maybe it was because tomorrow was likely to be one too. 

The next thing he noticed was the dark. It was mid-September according to Team Danganronpa but surely the sky didn't get this dark this quick?

Oh, what the hell. He was already tired.

He changed quickly and lulled himself into a deep, dreamless sleep. 

In a mostly empty corridor, in a bright white room however, someone woke up.

The Ultimate Detective was finally awake.

The announcement sounded that morning, an over tired voice speaking. "The last participant is finally awake! Now you're all awake, we'll be starting the memory treatments and therapy at noon today.". Saihara was awake too? Oh god, today was going to be rough. 

He walked over to the common room, passing Chabashira on the way, who promptly started walking faster. Maybe after this memory whatever she'll be nicer. Or maybe she'll hate men more? Who knows with Chabashira?

He pushed open the common room door like always, sat down with Shirogane like always and talked mindlessly like always. Three weeks of the same shit tends to get to you. He was glad that they'd be moving out soon. 

Saihara walked in a minute after him but this time he and Shirogane stayed put. He wouldn't be happy to see the two of them right now. 

It seemed sixteen voices made the noise unbearable. He got an urge to run and hide, it was too loud to be comfortable, too loud for him to be around. But he stayed. He needed to. It'd only cause more trouble if he left. 

Kokichi watched the detective interact with various people. Of course he went to Akamatsu first. Momota and Harukawa got the next oh-so-loving reunion. 

He didn't care about Saihara, not one bit, nope, not at all. 

So why did it hurt so much to realise Saihara didn't notice him?

Maybe he just didn't care about Kokichi. It would be better for him if he didn't care about Kokichi. 

It seemed time flies when you're watching someone and being upset they don't actually care about you because it was noon in no time. A staff member entered and escorted them into the same rooms they'd woken up in originally. 

A nurse sat him down and smiled. "You'll be going through all your memories, a second for each day, which will restore most of the core ones from your childhood and such, and then you will walk through your last week before being 'kidnapped'."

He nodded, not really having anything to say.

And the last thing he heard was the nurse explaining the details of the flashback technology.

And the world went black, once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter is suPER RUSHED???


	5. HIATUS

to cope is officially going on a hiatus.

i haven’t been able to write anything recently and this is really annoying to write

thisll only be for a month or so, and i’ll get in some practice projects so i dont entirely forget how to write.

thanks!!


	6. update

so. again not a real chapter, but, it’s an update and you guys deserve an update. 

i’ve come to the realisation i hate what i did with the plot, my initial plans were way better than what i did, and i really wished i’d just committed to the goddamn they don’t know their pasts and it’s like a detective game, trying to pick up little bits of the past. i also kinda wish id have just woken them all up at once and not drawn it out over four chapters because i just hate the way i did that sooo much oh my god. ive lost all motivation with this story and honestly i don’t want to write it anymore. 

yeah so i’m gonna discontinue this and then remake it?? i still like the concept but i went wayyy off script. maybe i’ll make a different protagonist?? i’m thinking tsumugi but kokichi is fun to write,,, if you guys wanna add some input to that, then feel free to. i’m gonna add a note in the tags and the summary and then start planning the remake.


	7. LAST ONE I SWEAR

GAYS WE GOT THE REMAKE DONE!!!!!!!!! it’s called a new start and new day it’s gonna follow tsumugi and some memory shenanigans and i’m so excited for the rest of it 

i think it’ll show it at the end of this but if you can’t find it it’s the most recent fic on my page

thanks for putting up with my bullshit!!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [a new start and a new day](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27865753) by [shroom_system](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shroom_system/pseuds/shroom_system)




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